זה סבבה? הניסוח וזה

Something I realized just now:
Im an undateable person.
I realized I get a huge ick every time I think of someone treating me with affection,I cant imagine any scenarios in my head anymore because I almost throw up from thinking someone would have to date me,
even though these are just fake scenarios in my head that wont necessarily and probably wont happen either.
I feel bad for the guys i catch feelings for.
I feel bad for making them look at me.
I feel bad for embarrassing them in front of their friends.
having a pretty girl crush on you is an honor, something you can show off,but when she isnt pretty,when she is ugly,it becomes an embarrassment and a burden.
I can sense it from their looks; I can see the disgust in their faces ,how badly they want to make fun of me.
I can see it all.
For someone else to love you,you need to love yourself first
People use this quote a lot; i get why.
How am I supposed to believe someone would be able to love me? To look at me and think, she is so pretty?
But also,how am I supposed to make myself think that way?

לא להתייחס לנושא ככ,כתבתי את זה כדי לתרגל כתיבה וראיתי סרטון של מישהי שהיה קשור לנושא אז כתבתי עליו
וזה הפך את הכל כי זה באנגלית אז סליחה