היי אני צריכה ביקורת על מה שכתבתי ושמישהו יעזור לי לתקן טעיות (באנגלית כיתה ח)

I think that what they did was right but not effective. in my opinion, the government doesnt Attach enough importance to the poor and on the other hand, attaches too much importance to the rich and the people in the upper social class, and that why I think the protest should have taken place. but the protests were in 2012 and even after 8 years there was no significant change and they were buried in history.

בבקשה תגידו לי איפה יש טעויות, מה אפשר לתקן ואיך אפשר להפוך את זה ליותר בשפה גבוהה?