קטע כתיבה באנגלית, מה אתם חושבים? יש משהו לתקן?

סליחה על טעויות, אנגלית זה לא שפת אם.

Let me free
Let my wings
Take me as far away from this place.
To breathe the clean air
And see the green nature.
Let me go,
And don't follow me.
Don't hold me back
From my destiny.
Let me live
And die
And live again
Even if its not with you.
Let me feel the pain of living
The happiness
And all that between.
Let me free,
So you
Could be free too.