זה כתוב טוב? מבחנת סימני פיסוק, אותיות גדולות, Past Simple והמבנה

Hello. My name is **** and I am here today to tell you about my favorite family trip.
First of all, I really like to travel and to see new places. Things like that are making me feel better all the time. So my favorite family trip was last year. That day was my moms birthday, and me and my family went to Tel Aviv. In Tel Aviv we were at the sea, we ate ice cream together, we had a lot of fun. To conclude, That day was awesome to me and I am really grateful for my family :)


אם אפשר שתעזרו לי לקצר את זה קצת כי צריך רק 70 מילים והגעתי ל100